With the true identity of Cartman's biological mother still a mystery wrapped inside a riddle, another equally daunting conundrum is taking shape regarding the composition of the impending South Park soundtrack.
Though insiders have hinted the Isaac Hayes-voiced Chef would no longer appear on *every* soundtrack selection for fear the album wouldn't financially reap what it sowed, show co-creator Trey Parker assures us the libidinous character will, some how, some way, appear on every song. "Unlike the T-shirts that we have no control over and all the crap that's out there," he says, "this is one thing we actually have some control over, so we're gonna make it quality."
Artists tentatively scheduled to appear on the dysfunctional soundtrack with Chef include Primus, Ween, Elton John and the Spice Girls, whose contribution may be produced by the King of New Jack Swing, Teddy Riley. Initially, Parker, partner Matt Stone and executive producer Rick Rubin wanted Hanson and Marilyn Manson to duet on the album, but now that's about as likely as Ike and Tina Turner pairing to record "Stand By Your Man." Speaking of Ike, Parker is trying to join Tina's better half with the equally nefarious Rick James, James Brown and, of course, Chef, for a ditty. May we suggest "The Lady is a Tramp?"
Hayes says he intends to do a re-make of "Shaft," appropriately re-titled "Chef," and he also has one other wish. "I would love to do a duet with Kathie Lee Gifford," he says, "because, you know, Chef made sweet love to Kathie Lee on South Park."
Also, Chef may not be the only South Park character appearing on the soundtrack. Cartman earned his musical stripes recently when he sang an obsessive compulsive version of Styx' "Come Sail Away" during the "Cartman's Mom's Still a Dirty Slut" episode. Parker says American Recordings have procured the rights to the entire song and may stick it on the soundtrack. Kick ass.
BLAIR R. FISCHER (Additional reporting by HEIDI SHERMAN)